We often get invited to peoples house for dinner and have learnt how to be a guest.

That sounds quite strange, how do you 'learn' to be a guest'? 

We are fortunate, or unfortunate, depending how you look at it to already have ‘learnt’ how to be a guest abroad.

Look at the etiquette in the UK, something if you have lived there your whole life you are now crying out, don’t be ridiculous there is no etiquette. Well consider this:

 In an English house you never, and I mean never, take the last biscuit/sausage/glass of wine and, imagine if you take second helpings without being asked? Oh the horror! Or you refuse second helpings from your (future) mother-in-law. True story; the love of my life very nearly did not become my husband after refusing second helpings of my mothers apple and blackberry crumble. It took her years to recover. 

What a different story we are met with just across the sea, there you are asked if you would like more, and being the polite English lady you of course say "it was delicious but no thank you I couldn't eat any more" and see the food whisked away while your stomach is screaming "I am going to starve to death". 
Once I got the hang of this I rather quickly defected and often, whilst entertaining English guests in Holland I have been clearing the table and thinking, oh help I should have asked them 5 times if they 'really didn't want any more' before sweeping the leftovers into containers for lunch tomorrow!  

Rule 1. Expect a banquet

When you are invited for dinner the usual tradition in England as in the Netherlands is that you sit around the table and dinner is served to one and all at the same time.

In Macedonia you arrive to a full table of ready prepared food. There is always salad, cold meats, cheeses, various breadcrumbed snacks (cold), cold meats and bread. You take your seat. It is not uncommon for there to be more people than chairs but that is never a problem, there is always another chair magicked in from somewhere. There is enough food to feed a small village and whatever happens you will not be out of there in an hour or two.

Forewarn you stomach.

Rule 2. When do you start eating

During a meal we are used to there being a definite beginning, middle and usually coffee signals that the festivities are nearing an end.

I am sure that the Macedonians’ would say the same, the only thing is I have yet to decipher the code.

At some point someone puts some food on their plate, this is usually a guest. The hostess will never, and I mean never, start eating before her guests. In fact ordinarily the hostess does not eat anything until way into the meal. She will sit there and maybe fetch drinks for people but will certainly make sure that there is enough for everyone before she starts eating.

No one will ask if you would like something to eat, if your plate is empty it is up to you to refill it, you help yourself. To sit there with an empty plate is to offend your host and hostess.

It is also recommended that you out small amounts on your plate and keep refilling, the more you do this the happier your host en hostess will be!

Rule 3. Complimenting the Hostess

It is common courtesy to compliment the chef/hostess. Certainly do this, but not when you are so full that you won’t be able to eat for a week, preferably do this quite soon on in the procedure and use your words sparingly.

When you comment that you are enjoying a certain dish you will find that that dish miraculously never gets empty, and you are expected to keep eating it!

We were eating at locals house and my daughter commented that she really liked the cabbage salad. The bowl of cabbage salad was repeatedly refilled every time she took a spoonful of it.

Whereas we are happy when plates are scraped clean, bowls licked dry and the cat doesn’t get the cream it appears that empty bowls and plates signify there was not enough food.

Rule 4. Be careful what you wish for

When asking my guests what they would like to drink I am quite aware of what I have to offer and am not shy in saying that I don’t have a certain drink.

In Macedonia there are a whole different set of rules.

I love a glass of wine with my evening meal. I am equally happy with red or white. Mostly, and I know this, the Macedonians drink Red wine, all produced in Macedonia, I have tasted worse. (More on that another day.) But one day I just fancied a cold glass of white wine, and yes after a little hesitancy our hosts had indeed white wine in the fridge. My husband also joined in with drinking a glass of wine as did my daughter who was visiting. Now, its not as though we drink a lot … honestly, although my daughter is a student so probably she could drink me under the table in a couple of hours. I diverge. The hostess mentioned that she didn’t know if the next bottle of white wine would be the same as what we had. We said oh but that is no problem and thought no more of it.

A few minutes later we noticed that the host was not at his place at the table. Outside it was blowing a gale and rain was running in torrents down the streets in the open gutters. All of a sudden the door opened and in walked the host, obviously out of breath and rather wet, with a new bottle of wine.

It seems that they didn’t have any more white wine so he had popped out to the shops to buy one for us.

We felt obliged to drink it.

Rule 5. When is it okay to leave

In the middle of the table, among all the food I mentioned earlier there can also be cake. Sometimes this cake is bought later, which is helpful as you then know that the meal is coming to an end. Often this is not the case but at some point someone will take a slice of cake. If you are the only guests it will be up to you to do this. Be prepared to sit at the table for at least an hour to hour and a half before you attack the cake! Often you will be asked if you would like coffee.

The table will not be cleared away while you are there and there will be no pressure to stop eating!

Be prepared to sit at the table for a few hours. If you have children with you it is fine for them to run around and play while you sit and eat with others.

Rule 6. relax and enjoy

Relax, take your time, do not offer to help in any way! Eat, make merry and enjoy the experience.

Oh, and a tip: do not eat anything before you go to dinner with a local.